Curiosity Killed the Cat

Here I was thinking that maybe I was wrong about the intentions of someone. Second guessing myself & heading back to a land of uncertainty.

I can’t even lie. I was wooed by smooth words & the promises of forever. My niavity got the best of me.  I’m woman enough to own up to that. I have a tendency of loving the wrong ones & these last two have made me see that there’s something wrong with me. Something in me that attracts the same type of guy. And as of now, I’m working on breaking that cycle. I deserve so much that more what I’ve gotten over the years.

I’m thankful for the experiences though because without them I wouldn’t be growing the way I am now. I wouldn’t have realized my strength. It really showed me the value of self love.

Here were these men who said they cared for me. Not even love but care. Anyway they claimed to care but in the same breath asking me to compromise what I stood for. My purpose & my celibacy. Two things that mean alot to me. That’s not something I’m willing to give up. They both claim to be hurt by it but it is what it is. So if putting my needs before theirs is selfish then so be it.

Stuck on Stupid

Silly of me..

To have fell for the lies

To believe that two separate entities could turn into “we”

I guess I was too enamored with the fantasy I built up

To realize that reality never measured up

When you said, “I love you”

I could’ve swore it was genuine

That there was sincerity in your eyes

When I laid it all on the line

But instead I left myself open to the firing squad

Sights aimed towards my heart

Why couldn’t this just be normal?

Where I’m not so cynical

And you weren’t so adamant in stringing me along

But in spite of that I fell for your manipulative ways

Put my heart in your hands

Knowing that you got butterfingers

I was clearly marked as..

Fragile: Handle With Care

But you found a way to break me anyway

Its either everything or nothing at all

So as much as it pains me

I have to sever ties

Let go of the image you used to be

The one I fell head over hills for

The one that convinced me this could be more than what it was

All I can do now is tell myself

You are nothing more than a distant memory

Even if it is a complete lie…

 

Just something I wrote last year during a breakup… 

Why I Write

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So as I was on Instagram the other day & there was a post that stuck out to me. It was a simple statement but it really made me reflect.

“I write because…”

That was something I never really thought about. After taking time to think, I realized why writing resonated with me. It initially started with an assignment in my English class & slowly became a passion. A lifelong infatuation with words that I could never shake. No matter how bad of a writer I see myself as, literary expression will always reel me back into its grasp. Voluntary or otherwise.  Writing has never left me. Even though I’ve left it numerous times. Sometimes I can go months without writing anything & other times you can’t pry a pen away from me.

I write out of necessity. I write for all the times in my adolescence where I couldn’t speak..  For the times I’ve been in mental choke hold & couldn’t say a word.

I write hoping that one day my words will touch the masses & impact someone the way Maya, Nikki & Langston did for me. That my words live on even i’m not here to do so. That what I spoke has some sort of meaning that could help another.

So tell me what drives you to write…

 

Love Knows No Boundaries

Last night…

I found myself dreaming of u.

Never mumbling a word..

But ur presence spoke volumes.

Opening ur embrace.

Signaling me 2 walk into it.

And as I stepped into ur arms.

The pain of past lovers melts away.

A reassurance that this is right.

Making me feel that “love” could b a possibility.

My heart aches 4 u…

My lips long 2 touch yours.

Clinging 2 u as ur arms wrap tight.

Putting me in the security of ur love.

Our silence was golden.

Bcuz our actions did all the talking.

From the way u looked in my eyes.

And how u made me smile.

Ur name etched into my heart.

Bcuz that’s where u reside.

My fear of being hurt.

Finally drifts away.

But as I look over.

I see u slowly fading.

Reaching out 4 u..

But ur not there.

Awakened from my “dream” state.

And dealing with a hurting heart.

Realizing that we’re still worlds apart.. *sighs*

Copyright © 2012 ~ Shonta Evans ~ All Rights Reserved

Brotherly Love

The smell of drunkenness

Fills the air

A civil confrontation

Should have never went there

Violence starts to ensue

Yelling & screaming matches

Clashing & Tussling occurs

All over something simple

Now the cries of my grandmother are all I hear

As she tries 2 separate the two

Before one does something

Out of the emotion of anger

Saying things they don’t mean

Harbored emotions coming out in the matter of seconds

But in the morning…

The event goes unseen

Buried away with all the other family issues

Until the next one…

I guess this is just

Our way of showing affection

Another form of “Brotherly Love”

Copyright © 2011 ~ Shonta Evans ~ All Rights Reserved

As Good As It Gets (Bittersweet)

I would be a fool to think that…

The touches & hugs

Were more than what they are

A secret…

Only known by the ones who indulged in this sin

Knowing that the consequences for what occurred

Outweighed the reward of temporary satisfaction

And in the long run

We’ll be paying for these actions

Thinking with lust

Instead of our common sense

Lust so strong that we couldn’t break ties

And it didn’t make sense

That I wanted him so badly

As quick as I stepped into his arms

The quicker our embrace breaks

Scattered showers in southern regions

Hurricane seasons… and earthquakes

Whenever the bed shakes…

“Dickmotized” in a major way

And as his head traveled lower

My sense of reasoning left

The emptiness I once felt

Washed away…

Blending into the sea of pleasure

We now swim in

Gone off the deep end

As his manhood goes in

Longing for the next caress

Craving for another kiss

Sweet addiction

Tasting good to my lips

And bringing ecstasy to the body

But as it comes to an end

The bitter “aftertaste” sets in

Knowing that when we part ways…

The feelings we have

Can no longer exist

Knowing that this…

Is about as good as it gets

Copyright © 2011~ Shonta Evans ~ All Rights Reserved

Second Best

Not really the one you desire for

But I am…

The one you settle for

The one you’re with until

“She” comes along

Your definition of “wifey” type

Foolishly

I stay with you

Knowing that I can never fit that criteria

Because the thought of the “loneliness” ahead

Is terrifying in itself

Knowing that you’ll never stay for long

Knowing that in the morning

You’ll be gone

So for the moment…

I’ll rather live with this façade

Just to stroke

My freshly bruised ego

Until this relationship goes up in smoke

Or until another man comes along

And shows me the love

That you won’t

So as I move on

I want to share this life lesson

Trying to find justification

As to why the equation of me + you = ? ever existed

Never again

Will I put my “heart” in my mind’s position

Copyright © 2011 ~ Shonta Evans ~ All Rights Reserved